I attending a local workshop last week and the topic of discussion was learning to live a balanced life. One of the guest speakers, Shelly Baur is a business and life coach. I had attending one of her seminars a few years ago and both times she made the statement that we need to stop “shoulding” all over ourselves. I have to admit I had an inner chuckle when she said it, but a light bulb went off in my head. It was like one of those ah-ha moments.

I’m so guilty of doing this and so do many of my clients.

Examples of *shoulding* all over ourselves

I should have worked out more this week.

I should have done the laundry and dishes instead of my workout.

I should not have had that cheesecake last night.

I should have worked out harder than I did.

I should be working out but I don’t have the time.

I should have ordered a salad instead of pizza.

I should have run more instead of lift weights.

I should eat healthier but my family makes it so hard for me.

I should have started trying to lose weight years ago.

Here’s the thing, our words have weight.

It’s unproductive and it wears down our mental and emotional battery. Life is stressful enough with putting extra self doubt on ourselves. It’s like playing a game of mental sabotage and the winner is self defeat. No Bueno 😦

So how can we strive to be our best self and stop *shoulding* all over ourselves?


I know, easier said than done.

Here’s the deal. Every time you make one of those *shoulding* statements  you have to turn the thought around immediately, and don’t say you can’t because you can!! We can actually trick ourselves into feeling certain ways just by the way the words come out of our mouth.

So next time try this instead:

I worked out three times this week and that’s great but next week I am going to try for four.

Working out makes me feel so amazing. It’s ok to put off the laundry and the dishes because now I feel even more productive.

Next time I go out to dinner I will order a smaller dinner and just split dessert.

I know not every workout is going to be kick ass but at least I moved my body and I will push harder next time.

You get the point. Just by changing the way we talk to ourselves can have such a huge impact on our emotional and metal well being.

I am still a work in progress 🙂 But it get’s easier with practice!!

So next time you start to *should* all over yourself please give yourself some love and turn the SHOULD TO DID!!



















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